the "lung infection daze"

it amazes me the havoc that some uncontrolled bacteria in my lungs can wreak on my whole body.

just 4 days ago, i was sitting in the same seat in the same little coffee shop trying to bang out the same measly little midterm for my bioethics mediation class.

yet, 4 days ago, as hard as i tried, as deeply as i thought and as many times as i re-read the same few articles and book excerpts, i just couldn't seem to find the words to string together a coherent argument.

those devilish bacteria inhabiting my lungs apparently took over my brain as well. people with cancer often talk about "chemo brain," and i know that's a result of the chemo compounds killing regenerating cells in the body, but i'd like to propose a new term. let's call it the "lung infection daze" or "lid" for short.

i'm guessing a lot of you have experienced "lid," too. it's that awful time when all of your brain cells and energy must be so focused on fighting - or maybe even just surviving - the onslaught of powerful, proliferating bacteria quickly taking over your lungs that you seem to lose the ability to have deep thoughts and express them.

that's not even the bad part.

the bad part is that just when you suddenly start that painful cycle of losing all trust in your body as you succumb to a lung infection yet again, "lid" causes you also to lose faith in your mind.

it's as if everything collapses under the pressure of a lung infection. the lung infection takes it all down in one obliterating sweep.

the moment when you need your mind most, to express the emotional pain of body betrayal and to restore belief that some mental and intellectual abilities remain, everything seems to crumble at once.

so, i'm here to reclaim domination over this body and this brain. i'll admit i didn't do it alone (thanks, doxy) and the battle is far from over, but the past hour of work on my midterm seems to affirm that my mental clarity has returned (along with my proclivity to procrastination!), which means my lung "health" can't be far behind.

i can read and extract meaning again. i can even take a stance on issues and express it in an intelligibly written paragraph -- that i penned myself!

i feel refreshed by my ability to take a crackle-free breath again; to sit in a coffee shop and actually look around, no longer ashamed by a constant cough that i know must be perturbing everyone around me even though they're all kind enough to pretend otherwise; and most of all, by the return of deep thoughts and the precious gift of expression. i'm reminded of just how precious it really is.